She's the salt of the earth

*Carmen's office, Zone Cop HQ. There's nothing remarkable about it, aside from the plushies of the Commander, Streak, and Deus on her desk are posed to look like they're having a threesome (Deus is in the middle), and there's also a Transformer that turns into a hand posed so the middle finger is up on the other side of the desk. The bunny herself glances up at a clock on the wall*

Mm, not much longer...

*She spins around in her chair a couple of times, then picks up a plushie made to look like the former Dispatch person. She adjusts the bill of its hat and straightens its jacket with a frown*

... nn...

*tosses it up in the air and catches it*

Eight months and not a word from you. Hope no news is good news...

*Bows her head and hugs the doll to her chest. Her bangs fall over her eyes, blocking them from view*

Idiot... I can't wait forever, you know...

*Welcome to Carmen's bedroom, Alterians! It's a neat, tidy room, with Transformers and assorted mecha figures of various sizes lovingly arranged on whatever handy flat surface may be around. The bunny herself is zonked out in bed, muttering something rather unflattering about something called "KISS Players". Her alarm clock goes off with an annoying PIII PIII PIII, causing her to grimace and smack the offending machine. Sitting up and showing off a surprisingly cutesy nightshirt, she blindly grabs her glasses and shoves them on her face*

Nn, damned alarm, I was about to wipe that lolicon fetish fuel out of continuity... What time is it?

*The screen goes temporarily black as she picks up the comm, then comes on again as she fiddles with the comm. She blinks at a strange message on it only she can see*

What the...?

*fiddles with the comm some more. Her confused expression gives way into a decidedly less innocent one as she flips through pictures that, again, only she can see*

... fffffffffffffffffffffff...

*the yellow bunny has nodded off on her desk. Under her head is a roll of paper with colorful letters, although the only readable part of it from this camera angle is "WEL". Stickers--bright, colorful ones of rainbows and hearts, as well as ones of cartoon robots--are stuck on the paper, the desk, and her face. A couple of her action figures and other desk toys have fallen over*

*Abruptly, she bolts straight up and starts shouting. The roll of paper curls up to form a tube*

ZETA! WE ARE GETTING OUR OPTIMUS BACK! AND YOU WILL BE CRUSHED BY HIS MIGHTY DISAPPEARING-REAPPEARING TRAILER! AND THEN HE WILL MAKE OUT WITH MEGATRON. BECAUSE IT IS HOT.

*picks up two of the action figures--an Optimus and a Megatron--and just staaaaaaares at them for a while*

... tee hee... *makes the Optimus one, well, HUMP the Megatron one* Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! *more giggles*

*A long pause as realization sinks in. Quietly, she sets the dolls down, takes her glasses off, and covers her eyes*

... right, going to see if Streak or Twilight can fill in for a bit so I can sleep. I'm starting to go silly like Boomer. Only with gay robots. Because they're awesome. Hee hee, "clang, clang, clang..."

Everyone, I have an announcement.

No matter what, if you wish to filter a post to us, do NOT include Zed in the filter. Repeat, DO NOT INCLUDE ZED. This Zeta asshole very likely has the Commander's communicator and appears to have been reading posts to the network on it.

That is all.

All right, I don't know which one of you did it, but someone's going to get a prime ass-whuppin'. However, if you confess now, I may be lenient on you.

I will ask this once, and only once: Which one of you assholes thought it would be funny to sneak in and fill my closet with miniskirts?

Damn it, I take a few vacation days for a family reunion and THAT'S when we finally have activity again. I always miss the exciting things...

Also, I learned while I was away that I have two new nieces and a new nephew. Junior and Rosemary need to learn how to keep it in their damned pants.

*On Carmen's desk, amid her paperwork and collection of action figures and plushies in lewd positions, lies a lonely Deus plushie. A yardstick slowly comes into view, pokes the plushie, and quickly retreats. The plushie does nothing. It's poked again, a few times in a row this time before the yardstick retreats. Still nothing*

*Carmen herself comes into view, pokes it with her finger, and quickly retreats Again, nada. She lifts it up with the yardstick, waits a few moments, and then, satisfied nothing's going to happen, returns on-screen to pick it up*

Oh, aren't you adorable? *hugs, then lifts up the back of its shirt* Ahaha, you even have the tattoos! How precious!

*looks to the left, then to the right, then picks up the Streak plushie, and, mimicking their voices, plays with the dolls*

*shakes Streak plushie* HI DEDEDE! 'SUP?

*shakes Deus plushie* Don't call me Dedede, or I will have to hurt you.

*shakes Streak plushie* IN THE FUN WAY?

*shakes Deus plushie* Maaaaaaaybe~ Come here.

*makes the dolls kiss*

--et's see what we have... here? Buh?! When did I...? How did...?! I...

BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

((... guess who finally found her accident!pic?))

--'ll be $25.45.

Here you go. I appreciate you doing this after ho... urs... Sir?!?

Saff?! Holy crap, is it really you?! *short pause while the hare nods* Man, I missed you so much! *the hare gasps as she's suddenly hugged* Oh, we've go so much to catch up on, Saff!

L-like how you suddenly have boobies now, sir?

But... I've always had boobies, Saff.

... if you say so, sir. Has anyone explained to you about reality shears yet...?

... all right, what is going on? This appears to be my office, but for some reason I'm in red spandex and the city outside is certainly not Central City, nor does this appear to even be a GUN facility. Commander, sir, do you have any idea what's going on here?

((... meet Lt. Gen. Saffron Saunders, everyone. 83))

*The hare sings part of this little number...*

I want fabulous,
That's my simple request,
All things fabulous,
Bigger and better and best,
I need something inspiring to help me get along,
I need a little fabulous is that so wro--AAAAAAAAACK!!

*there's the sudden "THUMP!" of someone falling down. She grumbles from her new position on the floor*

I hate this shear so fucking much.

*click on to the sound of footsteps and someone mumbling about paperwork. There's a sudden SHRIEK, followed by a thunk of someone tumbling to the ground and the fluttering of papers falling*

... oww... Brilliant, Carmen, way to fail at walking...

*brief pause*

Ugh, why do my clothes suddenly feel 5 sizes... too... small.

Lovely, more paperwork to fill out.

((OOC: Guess who got off of patrol and brought a little human shear home with her~))

FINALLY! I'm myself again! Oh, how I missed my boobs adulthood! No more of my clothes fitting wrong! No more High School Musical! No more running off at the mouth or bad attitude! VICTORY IS MINE, SHEAR! ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

...

... right, should calm down. But I'm me again! YES!

*This song plays in the background*

... wow, this is the gayest song since Gay came to Gaytown.

*laughs* Oh, I'm quite sure everyone knows how you swing, baby.

*pause* Oh no. Oh no, they are not! *laughs more* Holy shit, this is so fucking cheesy!

*another pause* ... they do make a cute pair, though...

*even longer pause*

... GAH! WHAT AM I THINKING?! DAMN YOU, HEDWIG! DAMN YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS STUPID DVD!

*yet another pause, followed by humming along to the song*

Damn it, I should've seen it coming since I didn't get hit by the last shear. But nooooooooooo, I thought I'd be lucky enough to avoid the shit that's clearly going down. Stupid fucking Chaos. I WANT MY BOOBS BACK, THANK YOU.

Happy birthday to me!

Now, where's my damned cake?

What the hell? It's been over a day and I'm still exhausted from patrol and dealing with a panicking blue hedgehog. Patrol in of itself is tiring, but then having Cmdr. O'Reily drag me all over hell's half-acre in a blind panic? It only made it worse. x.x

At least I got front-row seats to a fight/hothot man-on-man action in the end, not to mention the cookies today. I'm going to miss the free cookies...

--ander O'Reily?! What the hell--?!

*Cmdr. O'Reily's voice is heard, words pouring out of his mouth rapid-fire* Saff there you are I need your help I only have three days to find a place because I didn't know I only had a month t'stay after signin' up permanent you know this place better than I do please help please please please?!?

It's Carmen, not "Saff", and I'm sorry, but I just got off of patrol. Can it wait--

No it can't wait in fact just standin' here talkin' is wastin' precious time c'mon I'll carry you an' we can talk then c'mon Saff!

Carmen, not "Saff", and--aiiieeeeee! Put me down, damn it!

No time gotta go let's move it!

*Sound of footsteps rapidly running away from where the communicator was dropped*